A NEW BREED WITHOUT GREED!!

When the Youth Department of my Church decided to put together a programme/seminar on the 29th of May 2010 marking Nigeria’s “Democracy day”, it was more than a welcome idea for me to be part of it and believe me, I enjoyed myself and I make bold to say I have never learnt so much in one day about my country and what we are supposed to do to birth a new NIGERIA………..

The programme tagged “THE ROLE OF YOUTHS IN THE NEW NIGERIA” had speakers like Mr. Jimi Agbaje, the DPA Governorship Candidate for Lagos State in the last Gubernatorial Election, Dr.Joe-Okei Odumakin, the Convener, Campaign for Democracy and Dr. Tunde Bakare, Pastor of Latter Rain Assembly. I will try to be very brief and share with you few things I learnt from these three dynamic persons. Pardon me if along the line I sound as if those words were coming from me, they are really not but they are coming from my fingers and from inside of me.

Shocked was an understatement when Jimi Agbaje was reeling out statistics of many things in my dear Country. But the ones that struck me and I remember vividly was the fact that poverty rate in Nigeria in 54% which translates to about 75 million people and these people live on less than 1 dollar a day………… Incredible……..!!! Life expectancy in Nigeria is 42 years for male and 48 years for female…………. I have lived the better years of my life????.....!!! We have approximately 80 million Youth in Nigeria and out of these number, 64 million are unemployed, 1.6 million are underemployed which means they are just working for the sake of having somewhere to wake up and head to and 4.5 million Youth enter the labour market every year for the non-existent jobs….. We are in trouble….!!!!!!! He went on to tell us what we can do to birth a NEW NIGERIA as Youths of this great country. First is choosing our role models carefully. Who do you want to be like? The Iboris of this world or the Obamas of this world? I was dumbfounded when he reeled out Nigerians who we see as “Big” men and women and how much EFCC is probing them for and the least was 1.2billion of my Nigerian Naira and the highest was 227 billion…..!!!! I asked myself, Did they actually get all these money from this land? Well, YES………!!!

But what I really took home and will share here is what Pastor Tunde Bakare shared with us, I will try and share them like my own words but believe me I learnt them from him.

In life, we always envy other people, other countries, other culture and everything that belongs to others. The grass is always looking good at the other side, we always say some people are at more advantage than we are, but the truth is there is what is called “PRINCIPLE OF EQUIVALENT ADVANTAGE” it posits “Every problem that has a potential of drawing you back also has a potential of moving you forward” you may want to relate with this or not but I want you to know that every possibility has difficulties and every difficulty has possibility, the determining factor of who of who you become is not the circumstances of your birth, the colour of your skin, the village or hamlet you come from, the school you attended or the people who gave birth to you, but it is the thought you keep, the ones you meditate on and the size of the hope you carry that will be determine who you will become. I have seen people who attended the best schools in the world and the best most of them have become is an employee in a very nice and normal organization, taking home their normal take-home pay, marry a normal spouse, have normal children, live in a normal house, grow old in a normal way, die a normal death, have a normal burial and have a 3x5 column obituary in a normal Newspaper…..! end of story……!!!! But I think anyone who is a new breed who wants to affect his generation must not wish for that kind of life, I personally do not want to live the kind of life just painted above.
In every society, especially among the youth we have basically 4 types of people and if you are a youth, you must fall into one category here. They are:

THE OVER-PAMPERED, WITH THE ENTITLEMENTS MENTALITY. These group of people always believe that they must have other people doing things for them, whether their parents, their society or their country. They are always waiting for inheritance and never say thank you for people who bless them with anything simply because they think they deserve more at all times, they never value anything and they are never contented. Now, do not get me wrong, I am not just referring to some rich kids here, in fairness to them some of them are very hardworking and will work for every penny they earn but in reality so many of the rich kids belong to this group and others simply follow them always demanding for what could be done for them and not what they can do for others.

THE DESPERADOES. This group of people are typical strugglers, they constantly want to be like the over pampered, they are simply envious of them so they do anything and everything to get whatever it is they think someone or some people somewhere is owing them, they are the kind of people that believe money can do anything will do anything for money, they are always in haste to meet up with the current trend and just live large at the expense of anybody and everybody, they are yahoo boys and girls, they are girls who use what they have (body) to get what they want, they are the fraudsters and cheats in every sphere of our national life, they are the young generation of politicians who came from ghettoes and loot our treasury blind to preserve their 14th unborn generation. These people have zeal without the right knowledge, they do just about anything without thinking about anyone but themselves, they are people who don’t even think about the consequences of their actions, the effect it is going to have on the society at large, they constantly look on the other side and want to check out as soon as possible, they queue in front of every embassy including that one of Siberia, they travelled across Africa via the Sahara desert just to get to Spain. They just want to live large……AT ALL COST!

THE SPECTATORS. These people are totally disconnected from what is happening around them, they are just there reading the papers, the magazines, watching TV and never do anything about what they hear or see. It is often said “Those who spend too much time watching TV never appear on it”. They never participate. They cheer and condemn very loudly from the sidelines or the stands and never lend a hand, a voice or an opinion ever in their lifetime. English premiership comes to mind as a good example in this area, so many of us watch and will give anything away just to see “our” darling team play. But while some are making it happen on the pitch, some in the boardroom, some in the news room making money from talking football and others on the internet and through so many avenues and all what some of us do is just to watch…….!!!! We can do better than that concerning our National issues. We have to be fired up, put our hands on the plough and willing to go hungry for what we believe in.

THE STAKEHOLDERS. These set of people might be few, their voice might be muffled, they might be busted, bruised and battered at every opportunity but when they arise, they make a difference, they were the Martin Luther King Jnr of this world, the Malcom x of this world, the Ghandi of this world, the Keyamos of our time, the Femi Falanas, Tunde Bakares and so many of them I can’t mention here. They see themselves as units who make the whole. They don’t sit down and just rant about everything, they get in the kitchen and do it right, they go out there and vote right, they defend their votes with everything they have, they make their votes count, they raise their voice against tyranny and oppression in khaki or Agbada and Babariga. So, which group do you belong? The Over-pampered? The desperadoes? The Spectators? or The stakeholders? It is time to rise, take our national destinies in our own hands, determine our fate, it is time to belong to the new breed without greed!!

YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!

You have got to be kidding me if u say the death of former president Umaru Musa Yar'adua shocked you...

You have got to be kidding me if u say u didnt make or laugh at jokes about his medical conditions...

You have got to be kidding me if u didnt realise that his state of health was not his fault, and he didnt choose to live a sick and unfortunate life...

You have got to be kidding me if u didnt know that he was just 'forced' into presidency... Like a lamb led to the slaughter, he had no choice...

You have got to be kidding me if u blame his wife- Turai, for being a loving n protective wife... What help could those who wanted to see a dying man render?? They were probably going to see him to mock him anyways.

You have got to be kidding me if u don't feel pity 4 a man who served d country the best way he could even under pressure.

You have got to be kidding me if u dont know u will die one day.

Bad things happen to people.. We cant decide our destiny, we can only pray n be the best we can, live life to the fullest each day, cherish the ones that we love and try to leave our footprints in the sands of time... Many people die each day without being recognised 4 any thing- good or bad... They are forgotten as if they never lived. Like it or not, Umaru Musa Yar'adua will always be remembered as the controversial president who tried his best to give his best to the country despite his medical conditions... He thought he could make the difference.. His spirit was strong, but his body was weak..
HE CAME, HE SAW, HE CONQUERED
If u don't realise this by now... YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!

5 LIES ALL WOMEN TELL!!

You trust her, you adore her, and you worship the ground she walks on. However, make no mistake about it, gentlemen; all women lie in certain situations and your little angel is no exception. For the sake of this article and to help you out, we've narrowed the spectrum to the essential five lies all women tell. Sometimes, they just tell these lies to make you feel good about yourself but it still remains a lie. Certain lies occur much more frequently than others. It's up to you to learn the five lies all women tell, and how to handle them.

"I'M NOT MAD AT YOU."
Oh, yes she is. Don't think you're getting off that easily. This lie is one of the most frequently used in relationships. Typically, women who have been hurt by men in their lives -- often inadvertently -- use this phrase as an emotional defense. For example, if a guy forgets his girlfriend's birthday, calls her by his ex's name or commits any of the other minor screw-up’s that most men do on a daily basis; women usually can't just let it go. They dwell on it, letting worries whittle away normal feelings of well-being.

Instead of admitting that she's actually quite hurt by his relatively minor offense, the woman will halfheartedly pretend that she doesn't care at all. In reality, she does care, very much so, but doesn't want to look too bitchy about it, so she puts up the flimsiest of facades to indicate otherwise and tells one of the five lies all women tell.

LIE RADAR: This lie is extremely easy to pick up on because women barely bother to hide their irritation in this situation. As unfair as it may seem, they basically want men to read their minds and learn that, in this case, "No, I'm not angry" actually means "I am shooting invisible hate laser beams at you right now, please pick up on it." Excessive eye rolling, mean tones and passive-aggressive behavior in general are dead giveaways.

WHAT YOU SHOULD DO: Save yourself some time and headaches later on by calling her on her real feelings and discussing why she's so angry.

"I DON'T MIND IF YOU GO TO STRIP CLUBS WITH THE BOYS."
Wow, you have the coolest girlfriend ever! Not quite. If this one sounds too good to be true, that's because it is. Virtually all women mind when their men go out to ogle other women at strip clubs without them. It's only a question of how much they mind.

This one of the five lies women tell is very similar to lie No. 1, in that it is told by women to make themselves seem less pathetically needy. In general, women are extremely wary of their boyfriends being in highly sexually charged situations without them. Also, they hate to feel second best to a boys' night out. In this case, she's either telling one of the five lies all women tell to save face or to test you.

For the same reasons, they are also lying when they say they don't mind you checking out other women in front of them.

LIE RADAR: This lie is usually a little bit more artfully concealed than the first because it's a little bit more pathetic to own up to one's insecurity. It's best to just always assume that this statement is a lie.

WHAT YOU SHOULD DO: You're probably better off just not going. Ask yourself: Are two hours of bare booty worth weeks, even months, of bitchy comments?

"I'M JUST NOT READY FOR A BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW."
Once again, this statement is almost always false, although at least it's told with the best intentions, in order to soften rejection. It might be followed by an additional excuse such as: "I just came out of a bad relationship, and I don't want to be hurt again," or "I'm just too busy with my career right now to have a boyfriend." The truth is, if the woman is single and at all interested in you, she will certainly make the time to date you. It's that simple.

LIE RADAR: Does she seem uncomfortable, avoid eye contact, talk too much, and come up with numerous excuses? Liar, liar, miniskirt on fire.

WHAT YOU SHOULD DO: Let it go. Don't bother letting her know that you see through it. Take the easy way out by pretending you believe her for your own personal dignity, and just walk away. She will come after you………!

"I DON'T MIND PICKING UP THE TAB TONIGHT; YOU ALWAYS PAY ANYWAY."
Not true. Although this lie doesn't apply to all women, most still do expect men to pay for things, especially if the man asked them out in the first place. They will secretly think that the guy is cheap if he wriggles out of the bill on a regular basis. Men should always at least offer to pay for dinner if they have asked the woman out. If she protests vigorously, then you can hold on but if she just protests casually, she's only doing it out of politeness -- so pay for it.

LIE RADAR: If she says: "Oh, I'll cover this," but doesn't even make the motion of rooting around in her purse for her wallet, it means that she has no real intention of paying.

WHAT YOU SHOULD DO: Dude, just go to the date fully prepared to pay for the whole thing. In later stages of the relationship, you can work out a fair way to determine who treats who when, but in the early, critical dating stages, don't risk looking cheap.

"THAT WAS FUCKING GREAT!"
This lie falls under the broad category of sex lies. When women are committed to a man, they focus on him, often believing, time and time again, that he is "the one." Because girls have this tendency, they also tell guys whatever they think they want to hear (like they just had an orgasm), just to make them feel good about themselves.

Sex lies are a dime a dozen. Other sex untruths women often tell are the following: "I only cum with you"; "You have the longest penis"; "Yes, I came"; and "I've only been with X number of guys before." (They will decrease their actual number of sex partners because they're worried you will think they're promiscuous.)

LIE RADAR: When it comes to sex, that most sensitive of topics, it's safe to say that you should take most things she tells you with a grain of salt.

WHAT YOU SHOULD DO: You shouldn't be asking her to rate her sexual experiences, period. That's just in poor taste. If she offers you one of the lies above on her own, however, laugh and change the subject, as if to say: "That's flattering, but I don't really take these things too seriously as long as we're both happy with our sex life."

Now that you know the five lies all women tell, be on the lookout for them, and react accordingly. Once she learns that you can't be tricked, she'll be more straightforward with you in the future.

WHEN TO GET TESTED

In today’s age of life-threatening sexually transmitted infections, you have every right to know that your potential girlfriend/boyfriend has a clean bill of health before climbing into bed with him/her. You’re also entitled to a little reassurance at other points in the relationship, when the need arises. Some will find the idea of asking such question intimidating, which is understandable, as the recipients of such question often find them offensive.

Not to worry; asking is far less difficult than you realize, and a little sensitivity can go a long way. The following tips will help you determine when to get tested, and how to ask him/her to do the same.

New relationship
Unless you’ve been tested during the last 24 hours, or have been abstinent since your last checkup, it’s a good idea to suggest mutual STI testing when starting a brand new relationship. This will ensure your partner doesn’t feel like you’re accusing him/her of being already infected, and will put the focus on mutual health -- as opposed to only safeguarding your own. Tell your partner you think it might be a good idea if you both drop into your local clinic for some peace of mind. If he/she recoils in horror at the idea of visiting the clinic together, that’s fine; testing for women especially is more involved and many prefer using their own gynecologist. Either option is fine, as long as he/she chooses one of them.

Testing tip: If your partner flat-out rejects the idea, this could mean he/she is afraid of learning the answer, which suggests he/she is no stranger to risky behavior. This doesn’t mean your partner is infected, but it does mean you’d be wise to use protection until things are proven otherwise.

Trying to get pregnant
If parenthood is on the agenda, both you and your woman should be tested for STDs before you start trying -- even if you were both tested at the start of your relationship. Why? Because most sexually transmitted infections have a window of time during which they can slip beneath the radar. In other words, one of you could still be infected, despite your test results having said otherwise. It’s important to note that your results are both as important; either of you could be carrying an infection the other hasn’t yet acquired, but the woman could acquire during pregnancy. This is highly significant, because diseases like syphilis and hepatitis B (blood-borne infections that can be asymptomatic for decades) can be passed from mother to fetus, sometimes resulting in premature delivery or stillbirth.

Testing tip: If the woman hasn’t already suggested this one herself, the guy should approach it from the angle of responsibility. By telling her you know it’s unlikely either of you has anything to pass on to your future child, but you want to ensure the baby’s health at all costs. Your woman will find the suggestion admirable and endearing.

Either of you have cheated
If either you or your partner has cheated, it’s time to get tested. This goes for whether or not the cheater went the whole nine yards. When it comes to oral sex, women can pick up Chlamydia and gonorrhea during fellatio -- and they can pass it to someone else the same way. You should also be tested if either of you cheated “safely.” Bacterial STIs, like the aforementioned Chlamydia and gonorrhea, don’t require intercourse for transmission; heavy petting is all it takes. The same goes for incurable diseases like herpes, the gift that keeps on giving. Cheating is like opening a box of rotten chocolates; you never know what you’re going to get, but whatever it is, it won't be pleasant.

Testing tip: If either of you just confessed to cheating, the cheating partner should be asked to get tested immediately. This is especially important if you’re going to stay together and work through the infidelity. Waiting a few weeks, or months, to broach the question will only re-open the wound, which could undo any emotional healing that’s already taken place.

One of you notices physical changes
As we mentioned earlier, most sexually transmitted infections have a window of time during which they can go be undetected. If an STI goes unnoticed in the early stages, the symptoms could mistakenly be dismissed as benign when they finally present themselves. For example, if the woman develops an unusual genital ulcer five months into your relationship, it’s more than reasonable to expect her to get tested again. After all, illnesses of that nature are particularly difficult to detect.

The same goes for the guy; if the woman notices a significant change in the smell or color of her man’s semen, the man shouldn’t be offended if she brings it to his attention and asks him to get tested. Follow-up testing is in both of your best interests. In the other way round, if a guy notices some changes in his woman’s body he should ask her how she’s feeling, tell her he is worried about her, and think she should visit her gynecologist to rule out infection.

Testing tip: Don’t come out and mention STIs right away; mention the symptoms and give him/her a chance to draw his/her own conclusions. If he/she doesn’t connect the dots, say that you think it would be a good idea if you both had some follow-up testing done. This will sound more like genuine concern and less like an accusation.

Better safe than sorry
While few people relish the idea of asking a partner to get tested, it’s a pleasant alternative to coming down with a sexually transmitted infection. If you approach the situation from the angle of mutual responsibility, most people will agree to get tested without taking offense. After all, they will feel better knowing that you’re free of infection too. Let your partner know that your concern is genuine and he/she will view your suggestions as the epitome of responsibility -- and women especially just love a responsible man. Don’t they?

ARE YOU BEING COMPARED TO THE EX?

Being in a relationship can be fun and exciting because it brings new memories and experiences to your life. You feel new emotions toward a person while you get to know them, never knowing what to expect next -- hopefully, only the best.

But what if your girlfriend keeps comparing you to her ex-boyfriend? What do you do then? It's understandable that we all have benchmarks when it comes to love; standards which we hope to exceed. This only makes sense.

If comparisons to your girlfriend’s ex (assuming her ex-boyfriend met certain standards) become a daily routine, however, then you might have a problem. "My old boyfriend had a bigger car, my ex used to kiss better, my ex used to cal more often, my ex this, my ex that." You can see how this can quickly become a problem.

CASE OF THE EX
Inadvertently, your girlfriend is always looking for a steady and loving boyfriend. So, since she's not with the ex anymore, it's obviously because she's on the lookout for someone better (unless he dumped her hard and fast). And her way of gauging where you measure up to her ex(s) is to compare you with her tainted past. Some women do it subconsciously, some simply make mental comparisons, while others don't beat around the bush, and tell you up close and personal what the deal is.

I'm pretty sure these women don't realize the negative effects this can have on men; if they did, they would think twice before they spoke in order to avoid placing their Gucci heels in their lipstick-stained mouths. But women should know how this affects us.

Wanting great things when in love is perfectly normal, but often times, women have a tendency to shoot for the stars and never look down. The problem is that if they find anything less than a stellar individual, they pass. You can see how troublesome this can be for them, as the constant search for eternal love is frustratingly never appeased.


TAKE IT FROM ME
To give you a hands-on approach, I used to date a lady that used every ex-boyfriend as a launching pad to select her new beaus, which, if you ask me, is a disaster waiting to happen.

An old girlfriend of mine would use everything around her, not just ex-flings, as a means of comparison: "look how this guy is buying his girlfriend gifts and flowers see how the birds sing in unison," and so on.

"If you were really sorry, you'd buy me flowers." Now how does buying flowers and showing up unannounced at her doorstep on a rainy night make up for a mistake I might have made? It doesn't. The problem here is that she was comparing this love to the one found in movies, with the "happily ever after" nonsense!

If you're asking yourself how this relates to your girlfriend comparing you to her ex, then you're on the right track. What I mean is that it doesn't really matter what she compares you to, but rather the fact that she is comparing you to something/someone.

So What Do You Tell Her When She Compares You To An Ex?

TELL IT LIKE IT IS
Next time you have to sit through an interrogation and lecture about how a “relationship expert” thinks a relationship should consist of openness, have your cards ready. If she says you don’t show affection like her ex or send sms or make calls to her for a particular time(s) in a day. Make her realize that relationships should go at a steady tempo and on a gradual increase not at the speed of lightning which will be like a flash in the pan. If you start with calling each other or seeing each other 5 times in a day. You should ask yourself, “Can we sustain this?” If the answer is NO, you know what to do!

Now don't get me wrong, I can understand how not calling or not seeing at all times could be devastating for a woman, but what is more harmful is extrapolating this isolated event towards her new mate's behavior.

My response anyway to this case of paranoia was, "You refer to this guy as your ex for a reason. So don't put me in the same category because you know I'm worth more than that."

WAKE UP AND SMELL THE TRUTH
This wake-up call usually forces women to open their eyes to reality and cherish what they have in their possession at that moment in time. Women have to understand that there's no use in dwelling over past boyfriend(s) and going for a new and improved 2.0 model that has all the old practical characteristics, plus a couple of new gadgets on the side.

So next time she compares your beliefs and actions to how her ex(s), tell her that she's well on her way to finding another ex under her belt. That should knock some sense into her.