A NEW BREED WITHOUT GREED!!

When the Youth Department of my Church decided to put together a programme/seminar on the 29th of May 2010 marking Nigeria’s “Democracy day”, it was more than a welcome idea for me to be part of it and believe me, I enjoyed myself and I make bold to say I have never learnt so much in one day about my country and what we are supposed to do to birth a new NIGERIA………..

The programme tagged “THE ROLE OF YOUTHS IN THE NEW NIGERIA” had speakers like Mr. Jimi Agbaje, the DPA Governorship Candidate for Lagos State in the last Gubernatorial Election, Dr.Joe-Okei Odumakin, the Convener, Campaign for Democracy and Dr. Tunde Bakare, Pastor of Latter Rain Assembly. I will try to be very brief and share with you few things I learnt from these three dynamic persons. Pardon me if along the line I sound as if those words were coming from me, they are really not but they are coming from my fingers and from inside of me.

Shocked was an understatement when Jimi Agbaje was reeling out statistics of many things in my dear Country. But the ones that struck me and I remember vividly was the fact that poverty rate in Nigeria in 54% which translates to about 75 million people and these people live on less than 1 dollar a day………… Incredible……..!!! Life expectancy in Nigeria is 42 years for male and 48 years for female…………. I have lived the better years of my life????.....!!! We have approximately 80 million Youth in Nigeria and out of these number, 64 million are unemployed, 1.6 million are underemployed which means they are just working for the sake of having somewhere to wake up and head to and 4.5 million Youth enter the labour market every year for the non-existent jobs….. We are in trouble….!!!!!!! He went on to tell us what we can do to birth a NEW NIGERIA as Youths of this great country. First is choosing our role models carefully. Who do you want to be like? The Iboris of this world or the Obamas of this world? I was dumbfounded when he reeled out Nigerians who we see as “Big” men and women and how much EFCC is probing them for and the least was 1.2billion of my Nigerian Naira and the highest was 227 billion…..!!!! I asked myself, Did they actually get all these money from this land? Well, YES………!!!

But what I really took home and will share here is what Pastor Tunde Bakare shared with us, I will try and share them like my own words but believe me I learnt them from him.

In life, we always envy other people, other countries, other culture and everything that belongs to others. The grass is always looking good at the other side, we always say some people are at more advantage than we are, but the truth is there is what is called “PRINCIPLE OF EQUIVALENT ADVANTAGE” it posits “Every problem that has a potential of drawing you back also has a potential of moving you forward” you may want to relate with this or not but I want you to know that every possibility has difficulties and every difficulty has possibility, the determining factor of who of who you become is not the circumstances of your birth, the colour of your skin, the village or hamlet you come from, the school you attended or the people who gave birth to you, but it is the thought you keep, the ones you meditate on and the size of the hope you carry that will be determine who you will become. I have seen people who attended the best schools in the world and the best most of them have become is an employee in a very nice and normal organization, taking home their normal take-home pay, marry a normal spouse, have normal children, live in a normal house, grow old in a normal way, die a normal death, have a normal burial and have a 3x5 column obituary in a normal Newspaper…..! end of story……!!!! But I think anyone who is a new breed who wants to affect his generation must not wish for that kind of life, I personally do not want to live the kind of life just painted above.
In every society, especially among the youth we have basically 4 types of people and if you are a youth, you must fall into one category here. They are:

THE OVER-PAMPERED, WITH THE ENTITLEMENTS MENTALITY. These group of people always believe that they must have other people doing things for them, whether their parents, their society or their country. They are always waiting for inheritance and never say thank you for people who bless them with anything simply because they think they deserve more at all times, they never value anything and they are never contented. Now, do not get me wrong, I am not just referring to some rich kids here, in fairness to them some of them are very hardworking and will work for every penny they earn but in reality so many of the rich kids belong to this group and others simply follow them always demanding for what could be done for them and not what they can do for others.

THE DESPERADOES. This group of people are typical strugglers, they constantly want to be like the over pampered, they are simply envious of them so they do anything and everything to get whatever it is they think someone or some people somewhere is owing them, they are the kind of people that believe money can do anything will do anything for money, they are always in haste to meet up with the current trend and just live large at the expense of anybody and everybody, they are yahoo boys and girls, they are girls who use what they have (body) to get what they want, they are the fraudsters and cheats in every sphere of our national life, they are the young generation of politicians who came from ghettoes and loot our treasury blind to preserve their 14th unborn generation. These people have zeal without the right knowledge, they do just about anything without thinking about anyone but themselves, they are people who don’t even think about the consequences of their actions, the effect it is going to have on the society at large, they constantly look on the other side and want to check out as soon as possible, they queue in front of every embassy including that one of Siberia, they travelled across Africa via the Sahara desert just to get to Spain. They just want to live large……AT ALL COST!

THE SPECTATORS. These people are totally disconnected from what is happening around them, they are just there reading the papers, the magazines, watching TV and never do anything about what they hear or see. It is often said “Those who spend too much time watching TV never appear on it”. They never participate. They cheer and condemn very loudly from the sidelines or the stands and never lend a hand, a voice or an opinion ever in their lifetime. English premiership comes to mind as a good example in this area, so many of us watch and will give anything away just to see “our” darling team play. But while some are making it happen on the pitch, some in the boardroom, some in the news room making money from talking football and others on the internet and through so many avenues and all what some of us do is just to watch…….!!!! We can do better than that concerning our National issues. We have to be fired up, put our hands on the plough and willing to go hungry for what we believe in.

THE STAKEHOLDERS. These set of people might be few, their voice might be muffled, they might be busted, bruised and battered at every opportunity but when they arise, they make a difference, they were the Martin Luther King Jnr of this world, the Malcom x of this world, the Ghandi of this world, the Keyamos of our time, the Femi Falanas, Tunde Bakares and so many of them I can’t mention here. They see themselves as units who make the whole. They don’t sit down and just rant about everything, they get in the kitchen and do it right, they go out there and vote right, they defend their votes with everything they have, they make their votes count, they raise their voice against tyranny and oppression in khaki or Agbada and Babariga. So, which group do you belong? The Over-pampered? The desperadoes? The Spectators? or The stakeholders? It is time to rise, take our national destinies in our own hands, determine our fate, it is time to belong to the new breed without greed!!

YOU'VE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!

You have got to be kidding me if u say the death of former president Umaru Musa Yar'adua shocked you...

You have got to be kidding me if u say u didnt make or laugh at jokes about his medical conditions...

You have got to be kidding me if u didnt realise that his state of health was not his fault, and he didnt choose to live a sick and unfortunate life...

You have got to be kidding me if u didnt know that he was just 'forced' into presidency... Like a lamb led to the slaughter, he had no choice...

You have got to be kidding me if u blame his wife- Turai, for being a loving n protective wife... What help could those who wanted to see a dying man render?? They were probably going to see him to mock him anyways.

You have got to be kidding me if u don't feel pity 4 a man who served d country the best way he could even under pressure.

You have got to be kidding me if u dont know u will die one day.

Bad things happen to people.. We cant decide our destiny, we can only pray n be the best we can, live life to the fullest each day, cherish the ones that we love and try to leave our footprints in the sands of time... Many people die each day without being recognised 4 any thing- good or bad... They are forgotten as if they never lived. Like it or not, Umaru Musa Yar'adua will always be remembered as the controversial president who tried his best to give his best to the country despite his medical conditions... He thought he could make the difference.. His spirit was strong, but his body was weak..
HE CAME, HE SAW, HE CONQUERED
If u don't realise this by now... YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!!

5 LIES ALL WOMEN TELL!!

You trust her, you adore her, and you worship the ground she walks on. However, make no mistake about it, gentlemen; all women lie in certain situations and your little angel is no exception. For the sake of this article and to help you out, we've narrowed the spectrum to the essential five lies all women tell. Sometimes, they just tell these lies to make you feel good about yourself but it still remains a lie. Certain lies occur much more frequently than others. It's up to you to learn the five lies all women tell, and how to handle them.

"I'M NOT MAD AT YOU."
Oh, yes she is. Don't think you're getting off that easily. This lie is one of the most frequently used in relationships. Typically, women who have been hurt by men in their lives -- often inadvertently -- use this phrase as an emotional defense. For example, if a guy forgets his girlfriend's birthday, calls her by his ex's name or commits any of the other minor screw-up’s that most men do on a daily basis; women usually can't just let it go. They dwell on it, letting worries whittle away normal feelings of well-being.

Instead of admitting that she's actually quite hurt by his relatively minor offense, the woman will halfheartedly pretend that she doesn't care at all. In reality, she does care, very much so, but doesn't want to look too bitchy about it, so she puts up the flimsiest of facades to indicate otherwise and tells one of the five lies all women tell.

LIE RADAR: This lie is extremely easy to pick up on because women barely bother to hide their irritation in this situation. As unfair as it may seem, they basically want men to read their minds and learn that, in this case, "No, I'm not angry" actually means "I am shooting invisible hate laser beams at you right now, please pick up on it." Excessive eye rolling, mean tones and passive-aggressive behavior in general are dead giveaways.

WHAT YOU SHOULD DO: Save yourself some time and headaches later on by calling her on her real feelings and discussing why she's so angry.

"I DON'T MIND IF YOU GO TO STRIP CLUBS WITH THE BOYS."
Wow, you have the coolest girlfriend ever! Not quite. If this one sounds too good to be true, that's because it is. Virtually all women mind when their men go out to ogle other women at strip clubs without them. It's only a question of how much they mind.

This one of the five lies women tell is very similar to lie No. 1, in that it is told by women to make themselves seem less pathetically needy. In general, women are extremely wary of their boyfriends being in highly sexually charged situations without them. Also, they hate to feel second best to a boys' night out. In this case, she's either telling one of the five lies all women tell to save face or to test you.

For the same reasons, they are also lying when they say they don't mind you checking out other women in front of them.

LIE RADAR: This lie is usually a little bit more artfully concealed than the first because it's a little bit more pathetic to own up to one's insecurity. It's best to just always assume that this statement is a lie.

WHAT YOU SHOULD DO: You're probably better off just not going. Ask yourself: Are two hours of bare booty worth weeks, even months, of bitchy comments?

"I'M JUST NOT READY FOR A BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW."
Once again, this statement is almost always false, although at least it's told with the best intentions, in order to soften rejection. It might be followed by an additional excuse such as: "I just came out of a bad relationship, and I don't want to be hurt again," or "I'm just too busy with my career right now to have a boyfriend." The truth is, if the woman is single and at all interested in you, she will certainly make the time to date you. It's that simple.

LIE RADAR: Does she seem uncomfortable, avoid eye contact, talk too much, and come up with numerous excuses? Liar, liar, miniskirt on fire.

WHAT YOU SHOULD DO: Let it go. Don't bother letting her know that you see through it. Take the easy way out by pretending you believe her for your own personal dignity, and just walk away. She will come after you………!

"I DON'T MIND PICKING UP THE TAB TONIGHT; YOU ALWAYS PAY ANYWAY."
Not true. Although this lie doesn't apply to all women, most still do expect men to pay for things, especially if the man asked them out in the first place. They will secretly think that the guy is cheap if he wriggles out of the bill on a regular basis. Men should always at least offer to pay for dinner if they have asked the woman out. If she protests vigorously, then you can hold on but if she just protests casually, she's only doing it out of politeness -- so pay for it.

LIE RADAR: If she says: "Oh, I'll cover this," but doesn't even make the motion of rooting around in her purse for her wallet, it means that she has no real intention of paying.

WHAT YOU SHOULD DO: Dude, just go to the date fully prepared to pay for the whole thing. In later stages of the relationship, you can work out a fair way to determine who treats who when, but in the early, critical dating stages, don't risk looking cheap.

"THAT WAS FUCKING GREAT!"
This lie falls under the broad category of sex lies. When women are committed to a man, they focus on him, often believing, time and time again, that he is "the one." Because girls have this tendency, they also tell guys whatever they think they want to hear (like they just had an orgasm), just to make them feel good about themselves.

Sex lies are a dime a dozen. Other sex untruths women often tell are the following: "I only cum with you"; "You have the longest penis"; "Yes, I came"; and "I've only been with X number of guys before." (They will decrease their actual number of sex partners because they're worried you will think they're promiscuous.)

LIE RADAR: When it comes to sex, that most sensitive of topics, it's safe to say that you should take most things she tells you with a grain of salt.

WHAT YOU SHOULD DO: You shouldn't be asking her to rate her sexual experiences, period. That's just in poor taste. If she offers you one of the lies above on her own, however, laugh and change the subject, as if to say: "That's flattering, but I don't really take these things too seriously as long as we're both happy with our sex life."

Now that you know the five lies all women tell, be on the lookout for them, and react accordingly. Once she learns that you can't be tricked, she'll be more straightforward with you in the future.

WHEN TO GET TESTED

In today’s age of life-threatening sexually transmitted infections, you have every right to know that your potential girlfriend/boyfriend has a clean bill of health before climbing into bed with him/her. You’re also entitled to a little reassurance at other points in the relationship, when the need arises. Some will find the idea of asking such question intimidating, which is understandable, as the recipients of such question often find them offensive.

Not to worry; asking is far less difficult than you realize, and a little sensitivity can go a long way. The following tips will help you determine when to get tested, and how to ask him/her to do the same.

New relationship
Unless you’ve been tested during the last 24 hours, or have been abstinent since your last checkup, it’s a good idea to suggest mutual STI testing when starting a brand new relationship. This will ensure your partner doesn’t feel like you’re accusing him/her of being already infected, and will put the focus on mutual health -- as opposed to only safeguarding your own. Tell your partner you think it might be a good idea if you both drop into your local clinic for some peace of mind. If he/she recoils in horror at the idea of visiting the clinic together, that’s fine; testing for women especially is more involved and many prefer using their own gynecologist. Either option is fine, as long as he/she chooses one of them.

Testing tip: If your partner flat-out rejects the idea, this could mean he/she is afraid of learning the answer, which suggests he/she is no stranger to risky behavior. This doesn’t mean your partner is infected, but it does mean you’d be wise to use protection until things are proven otherwise.

Trying to get pregnant
If parenthood is on the agenda, both you and your woman should be tested for STDs before you start trying -- even if you were both tested at the start of your relationship. Why? Because most sexually transmitted infections have a window of time during which they can slip beneath the radar. In other words, one of you could still be infected, despite your test results having said otherwise. It’s important to note that your results are both as important; either of you could be carrying an infection the other hasn’t yet acquired, but the woman could acquire during pregnancy. This is highly significant, because diseases like syphilis and hepatitis B (blood-borne infections that can be asymptomatic for decades) can be passed from mother to fetus, sometimes resulting in premature delivery or stillbirth.

Testing tip: If the woman hasn’t already suggested this one herself, the guy should approach it from the angle of responsibility. By telling her you know it’s unlikely either of you has anything to pass on to your future child, but you want to ensure the baby’s health at all costs. Your woman will find the suggestion admirable and endearing.

Either of you have cheated
If either you or your partner has cheated, it’s time to get tested. This goes for whether or not the cheater went the whole nine yards. When it comes to oral sex, women can pick up Chlamydia and gonorrhea during fellatio -- and they can pass it to someone else the same way. You should also be tested if either of you cheated “safely.” Bacterial STIs, like the aforementioned Chlamydia and gonorrhea, don’t require intercourse for transmission; heavy petting is all it takes. The same goes for incurable diseases like herpes, the gift that keeps on giving. Cheating is like opening a box of rotten chocolates; you never know what you’re going to get, but whatever it is, it won't be pleasant.

Testing tip: If either of you just confessed to cheating, the cheating partner should be asked to get tested immediately. This is especially important if you’re going to stay together and work through the infidelity. Waiting a few weeks, or months, to broach the question will only re-open the wound, which could undo any emotional healing that’s already taken place.

One of you notices physical changes
As we mentioned earlier, most sexually transmitted infections have a window of time during which they can go be undetected. If an STI goes unnoticed in the early stages, the symptoms could mistakenly be dismissed as benign when they finally present themselves. For example, if the woman develops an unusual genital ulcer five months into your relationship, it’s more than reasonable to expect her to get tested again. After all, illnesses of that nature are particularly difficult to detect.

The same goes for the guy; if the woman notices a significant change in the smell or color of her man’s semen, the man shouldn’t be offended if she brings it to his attention and asks him to get tested. Follow-up testing is in both of your best interests. In the other way round, if a guy notices some changes in his woman’s body he should ask her how she’s feeling, tell her he is worried about her, and think she should visit her gynecologist to rule out infection.

Testing tip: Don’t come out and mention STIs right away; mention the symptoms and give him/her a chance to draw his/her own conclusions. If he/she doesn’t connect the dots, say that you think it would be a good idea if you both had some follow-up testing done. This will sound more like genuine concern and less like an accusation.

Better safe than sorry
While few people relish the idea of asking a partner to get tested, it’s a pleasant alternative to coming down with a sexually transmitted infection. If you approach the situation from the angle of mutual responsibility, most people will agree to get tested without taking offense. After all, they will feel better knowing that you’re free of infection too. Let your partner know that your concern is genuine and he/she will view your suggestions as the epitome of responsibility -- and women especially just love a responsible man. Don’t they?

ARE YOU BEING COMPARED TO THE EX?

Being in a relationship can be fun and exciting because it brings new memories and experiences to your life. You feel new emotions toward a person while you get to know them, never knowing what to expect next -- hopefully, only the best.

But what if your girlfriend keeps comparing you to her ex-boyfriend? What do you do then? It's understandable that we all have benchmarks when it comes to love; standards which we hope to exceed. This only makes sense.

If comparisons to your girlfriend’s ex (assuming her ex-boyfriend met certain standards) become a daily routine, however, then you might have a problem. "My old boyfriend had a bigger car, my ex used to kiss better, my ex used to cal more often, my ex this, my ex that." You can see how this can quickly become a problem.

CASE OF THE EX
Inadvertently, your girlfriend is always looking for a steady and loving boyfriend. So, since she's not with the ex anymore, it's obviously because she's on the lookout for someone better (unless he dumped her hard and fast). And her way of gauging where you measure up to her ex(s) is to compare you with her tainted past. Some women do it subconsciously, some simply make mental comparisons, while others don't beat around the bush, and tell you up close and personal what the deal is.

I'm pretty sure these women don't realize the negative effects this can have on men; if they did, they would think twice before they spoke in order to avoid placing their Gucci heels in their lipstick-stained mouths. But women should know how this affects us.

Wanting great things when in love is perfectly normal, but often times, women have a tendency to shoot for the stars and never look down. The problem is that if they find anything less than a stellar individual, they pass. You can see how troublesome this can be for them, as the constant search for eternal love is frustratingly never appeased.


TAKE IT FROM ME
To give you a hands-on approach, I used to date a lady that used every ex-boyfriend as a launching pad to select her new beaus, which, if you ask me, is a disaster waiting to happen.

An old girlfriend of mine would use everything around her, not just ex-flings, as a means of comparison: "look how this guy is buying his girlfriend gifts and flowers see how the birds sing in unison," and so on.

"If you were really sorry, you'd buy me flowers." Now how does buying flowers and showing up unannounced at her doorstep on a rainy night make up for a mistake I might have made? It doesn't. The problem here is that she was comparing this love to the one found in movies, with the "happily ever after" nonsense!

If you're asking yourself how this relates to your girlfriend comparing you to her ex, then you're on the right track. What I mean is that it doesn't really matter what she compares you to, but rather the fact that she is comparing you to something/someone.

So What Do You Tell Her When She Compares You To An Ex?

TELL IT LIKE IT IS
Next time you have to sit through an interrogation and lecture about how a “relationship expert” thinks a relationship should consist of openness, have your cards ready. If she says you don’t show affection like her ex or send sms or make calls to her for a particular time(s) in a day. Make her realize that relationships should go at a steady tempo and on a gradual increase not at the speed of lightning which will be like a flash in the pan. If you start with calling each other or seeing each other 5 times in a day. You should ask yourself, “Can we sustain this?” If the answer is NO, you know what to do!

Now don't get me wrong, I can understand how not calling or not seeing at all times could be devastating for a woman, but what is more harmful is extrapolating this isolated event towards her new mate's behavior.

My response anyway to this case of paranoia was, "You refer to this guy as your ex for a reason. So don't put me in the same category because you know I'm worth more than that."

WAKE UP AND SMELL THE TRUTH
This wake-up call usually forces women to open their eyes to reality and cherish what they have in their possession at that moment in time. Women have to understand that there's no use in dwelling over past boyfriend(s) and going for a new and improved 2.0 model that has all the old practical characteristics, plus a couple of new gadgets on the side.

So next time she compares your beliefs and actions to how her ex(s), tell her that she's well on her way to finding another ex under her belt. That should knock some sense into her.

WAIST BEADS IN NIGERIA!

THE usage of beads especially waist bead in Nigeria is wide spread across the various nationalities that make up the nation. There are similarities and peculiarities in their usage.

However, the Yorubas developed the most varying and peculiar uses for the waist beads. The Yorubas have developed a culture of bead usage that cuts across both material and spiritual aspects of the life of the people. In addition, they have also the capacity to produce the beads for varying purposes ranging from royalty, body adornment, deification and decoration.

The Yorubas are found in the South Western geo-political delineation of present day Nigeria. They are a vibrant and social people that accentuate their ways of life in their day-to-day activities.

Beads are usually small round piece of glass, wood, metal or nut, pierced for stringing. They are either used for adornment such as the waist, neck or ankle beads or as decorative ornament in art works or even for royalty purposes.

The art of beading is serial in process and serrated in composition. It has a step by step or one by one approach in stringing when traded together, beads stands for unity, togetherness and solidarity.

Beads of the waist is said to posses the power to attract and evoke deep emotional responses, they are a sign of success and affluence as well as spiritual well being.

The Origin of the Nigerian beads is still speculative due to its fragility portability and popularity.

Beads have been traded and used since time immemorial. However, the earliest known African beads is traced to Libya and Sudan. In Nigeria the Nok terracottes and Igbo Ukwu arts display some element of the usage of beads in those societies as early as 500BC, however there is no concrete statement of origin to the beads.

A common usage of the item is for adornment especially on the waist. There is however varying purpose for which people adorn the waist beads.

The common users of the waist beads are mostly the women folk, only in exceptional theatrical perform as will a man adorn a waist bead to symbolize feminism. The waist bead is synonymous with feminism.

The Yorubas have esteemed usage attached to the waist beads. They refer to the waist bead as Ileke, "Lagidigba" the term lagidigba means something big, thick or massive. The Lagidigba is made of palm nut shells string together, while the bebe is made of glass.

The Yorubas have a belief that the waist beads posses some erotic appeal, they have the power to provoke desire or deep emotional response on the opposite sex.

Waist beads in Yoruba are also used for birth control, the beads are laced with charms and worn by the women to prevent conception.

Beads are a precious ornaments to the Yorubas, hence when adorned by a women, accentuates her feminism or beauty. Beads also helps to portray the chastity of a maiden or women sensuality. Parent show their love for their girl child through gifts of waist beads that are colourful and expensive.

The lagidigba or palm nut shell beads is used for fecundity purposes. The nuts signify multiple births as they are in clusters, thus one can infer the high incidence of multiple births in Yoruba land to the usage of the lagidigba bead.

Brides seduce their spouses with the beads they adorn, some women are said to lace their beads with charm to make them irresistible to the male folks. The Yoruba's can easily comment on a women's moral standing in those days by interpretation of the movement of the waist bead adorned by a women. The way she moves her buttocks can depict her morals either seductive or reserve.

The Yorubas have a popular saying that "it is the beads that makes the buttocks to shake".

Other users of the waist beads in Yoruba land are the Orisas or devotes of water deities and other priestesses, they adorn the waist beads for protection against spiritual attacks as well as part of their dress regalia.

The waist bead is also used to adorn the Ere-Ibeji figurine on the death of a twin, there is the belief that when treated well the spirit of the spirit of the dead twin will not harm the living twin and will return to the family to stay.

Waist beads are also adorned and laced with charms to ward away the Abiku spirit (mermaid Spirit) from a woman.

song says;

Don't flirt with me

Don't flirt with me as you do with your husband.

Don't wriggle your waist beads at me

Don't lock the door on me and throw

Away the key.

Apart from the Yorubas, other groups in Nigeria also have similar usages of the waist beads in their culture the Ogonis in Rivers State refer to beads as Loo, its uses range from covering the private parts of a women to adornment as a sign of affluence. The beads is a measure of value to the Ogonis and are also worn by bride as part of her bridal rites. The Igbos called it Mgbaji, also for adornment and a sign of social status.

The Hausas refer to it as Jigida. To the Kalabaris, the waist bead has the potency of transforming an ugly woman into a beautiful maiden once it is worn. The Ibibios see it as Nkwa-Isin, they adorn it on a female baby to help give her a good waist line, as she grows, beads of her size are adorned on her.

Priestesses of deities also wear the beads that are always colourful as part of their regalia. They also use the waist beads laced with charm s for birth control. The maiden dances (Aban) also wear the beads doing dance to give a graceful hip movement when they dance.

Waist bead in today's fashion is relegated, ladies have a preference for western costumes such as belts, chains, g-strings to the waist beads. The culture of waist bead is going down rapidly to extinction. Religion and other spiritual reasons have been adduced for the neglect, however it must be pointed out that waist bead usage as practiced in the past is an essential element of African body adornment that is harmless and meaningful a pride and precious item which should be encourage to day.

DATING AN OLDER OR A YOUNGER WOMAN?

For decades, the inter-gender relationship dynamic was set: older man, younger woman. There are a variety of theories on why: Men are more visual, opting for younger healthier women; females are more emotional, opting for men with more experience; older men offer women more stability; women mature faster than men; daddy issues; his first two wives died during childbirth; etc.

However, this dynamic began to skew with the sexual revolution of the '60s. Mainstream culture caught on and suddenly it became so hip for women to take younger guys that even teachers everywhere began sleeping with their students. The term "cougar," sadly, has entered everyday vocabulary.
Nowadays, the question is not whether dating an older woman is appropriate, fun or sexy. The real question has become whether this is a passing fancy, or will it surpass the ancient dynamic of older man/younger woman? Here we answer, definitively, which is better. We consider younger women to be between 18 and 25 years old. Older women are 33 to 45. Anything younger is illegal and any older is like doing your mom. (we are talking to young men of 20 to 40)

Should you date an older or younger woman? We have six criteria for you to consider.
BODY
Let’s state the obvious, younger women tend to have better bodies. Their metabolisms are still high, no stress lines have set in, and their skin is full of collagen and elasticity. However, let’s not completely rule out older women here. They have their own bank accounts with which they can pay for personal trainers. Many men still sneer at the idea of any cosmetic surgery, but we’re entering a time when people can maintain their looks, not change them.
Winner: Younger women.

SEX
The knee-jerk reaction here is to think college co-eds juxtapose sorority girls in porn flicks. That’s not the case. The truth of the matter is most younger women don’t have much experience. "The virgin" sounds great until you realize how awkward and nervous she becomes between the sheets. How many guys at 30 just want to make out for hours? Sure, younger women tend to have more energy than their older counterparts and there is something fun about being the person that teaches them new positions. For years, she’ll think you’re better in bed than you actually are just because she lacks comparison. However, older women know what they want; they’re more confident and more likely to get freaky. Hell, she’ll buy you a drink and she’ll expect something in return.
Winner: Older women

INCOME
Younger women don’t have a lot of options for work at their age. Most are in school, working in the service industry or just starting their entry-level position. As a man, you should pay for date night, but you don’t want her hitting you up when she misses rent. If she bartends, do you want to be the guy on the end of the bar every night waiting for her? Young 20-something’s aren’t going to be familiar with your strife to become middle management. Older women will appreciate talks about career highs and lows. Plus, she’ll be more likely to pick up a few tabs, for women’s equality sake, and will surprise you with great gifts. She’s definitely had her share of boyfriends, so she knows men prefer a new iPhone over a mix CD.
Winner: Older women
RELATIONSHIP BAGGAGE
Any woman in her 30s or above has been treated poorly by a number of men. Unfortunately, that means you have to answer for all that mistreatment, and prove you’re not an asshole like the others, plus live up to the high water mark of being her last good boyfriend. That’s a lot of pressure. Younger women are blank slates. All you have to do is prove you’re better than her high school boyfriend. Easy, you drive a car worth more than N1,000,000.00K. Older women are thinking serious commitments and babies. Younger women are in the moment. Just don’t get too hung up on the youthful ones, she’ll drop everything and follow someone else to Belize tomorrow.
Winner: Younger women

DISCOVERY FACTOR
Inevitably, the first question that guys ask after you tell them you’re dating a woman 10 years younger is: “What the hell are you going to talk about?” With the internet and availability of information, the pop culture divide is not what it used to be. It’s easier for older people to stay current on music, fashion and trends, but younger women live to stay current on popular culture. She’ll update your clothes and music quicker than 50 Google searches. Also, her events calendar will likely be packed with fun things to do, which keeps the relationship fresh. DVDs of Lost or 24 are fun sometimes, but not all the time.
Winner: Younger women

POWER BALANCE
This category isn’t even close. Younger women will look up to you and you’ll be the boss in the relationship. A number of older women who are still single are career oriented. They are used to being the boss at work and her brain is set to her ways. The brain of a young woman is like a sponge and you can pretty much squeeze whatever you want into it.
Winner: Younger women

AND THE WINNER IS...
Sorry older women. You’ve come very far in the last 10 years, but younger women are still beating you right now. Be happy you’ve made such strides, and in another 10 years it may be even closer yet. Guys, don’t count the older women out. They can obviously teach you some important things -- just don’t come whining to us when they boss you around.

4 TRICKS TO MAKE HER ORGASM!!!!

She’s arching her back, moaning and groaning, You’re impressed by your ability to make her squirm like that, but deep down your thoughts race between: "What if she’s faking?" and "If not, how do I hit this magic button again?" If you’ve ever been there, or for that matter would like to find yourself in that enviable position, check out these four tricks to make her orgasm.

PUT ON MUSKY COLOGNE
Smell is the strongest of the five senses when it comes to sexual functioning for two reasons: First, since anything musky mimics testosterone, it’ll kick her libido into high gear. Baby powder can have a similar effect by activating her “scent print,” which links babies to procreation. Second, because smell, sex and memory centers share close quarters in the brain, the scent of arousal leaves the most lasting impression. The second she gets a whiff of your musky cologne, she’ll be transported back to the last time she smelled it on your body.

WARM UP HER FEET
Every guy knows that when a woman hits the sack she loves to wedge her cold feet between his legs to warm up. Warm feet do more to make a woman physically comfortable than just about anything else -- even more so if you want her completely naked, which is not likely to happen if she’s cold, even with the lights off. What most of you probably didn’t realize was the importance of warm feet in increasing the likelihood of her experiencing an orgasm. According to Dutch scientists from the University of Groningen, the odds are increased by 30%. Maybe leaving the socks on isn’t such a bad idea after all. If you want to try something sexier, a foot massage with a warming gel can do wonders, especially if you concentrate on the pads of her toes and the webbing in between, which are linked to her nether zones according to reflexology charts. Moreover, lips, hands, feet, and genitals get the lion’s share of brain space, where feet and genital centers are neighbors, making them share sexy information. Why else do you think women call shoe shopping “retail therapy” -- especially when they’re not getting any at home and feeling bummed out? So socks or stilettos, you choose, as long as they’re keeping her tootsies warm.



FOCUS ON HER 10 O’CLOCK AND 2 O’CLOCK
When zoning in between her legs, just as you appreciate her indulging more than just your package, she’d like you to go for more than her hood ornament. If you run your tongue around her clitoral head, concentrating on the 10 o’ clock and 2 o’clock marks on either side, and then gently slip your tongue beneath the hood, you’ll have her moaning from ecstasy. While bang-on is too sensitive, those two sweet spots will make sure that she takes a licking and keeps on ticking, thanks to the bulbs hidden just beneath. The best way to pull off this maneuver is to have her straddle your face as you lay comfortably on your back. She’ll get to lean into the headboard so she can drive the action with ease, since you’ve put her in charge.

KISS THE RIGHT SIDE OF HER SPINE
Touch on the right side of a woman’s spine makes her melt more so than the left side, perhaps because the left side of the brain controls her right side and it's the logical side that can talk her into anything. Whether you’re kissing her there, stroking her or gently teasing her with a tickler, just make sure your moves are curvy. You’ll cover more mileage, not to mention get better mileage out of your touch, since it’s significantly more intense than a straight touch.

CLIMAX TRICKERY
Time for you to take your tricks for a test drive. With all that attention, her skin will be flushed, her pupils dilated, parts of her shaking, and those she can steady, she’ll be pushing into you -- until she’s done and can’t take anymore, that is. Now that’s how to make her ORGASM for real.

WHEN SHE WITHOLDS SEX!

One of the benefits of being in a long-term relationship is that you have someone that you can readily depend on for regular sex. For guys especially, this is a very important part of a commitment to another person. However, it is precisely when you start to expect sex from your girlfriend that she starts using that presumption against you. Some women make a habit of withholding sex from their partners, while some only do it under very specific circumstances. To men, this seems like cruel and unusual punishment. Of course, there is a difference between a woman simply not wanting to have sex and purposefully withholding it. When a woman withholds sex, she’s trying to send a message. Here are some of the reasons she might cut you off and what you can do about it.

SHE IS PISSED…
This is probably the most common reason that women withhold sex. If you’ve done something that made her furious, she may not be above punishing you by keeping the one thing you really, really want out of your reach. The last thing a woman wants to do when she’s feeling any kind of negative emotion, whether it’s mad, sad, frustrated, annoyed, stressed, or worn out, is get busy between the sheets. While many guys can turn off the unpleasant feelings and get down to business, a woman finds it more difficult to push those emotions aside and get aroused. You might be satisfied with angry, violent sex, but she wants to work out her anger before she jumps into bed.
The solution to this is to find out why she’s upset and try to fix it. Sometimes simply acknowledging that you’ve done something wrong is enough to make her calm down. Other times, the only way to get out of the doghouse is to participate in one of those long, heartfelt conversations in which you share feeling

SHE IS ASSERTING HERSELF…
If she’s keeping the good loving from you, it may be an attempt to assert her power over you and the relationship. If there’s one area of a relationship women think they have control over, it’s sex. She may just be doing it to show you who’s boss in bed or she may be compensating for feeling powerless in some other aspect of her life. Maybe she has a cruel boss, a domineering best friend or an overprotective mother.
If you suspect that she’s withholding sex to assert herself, the easiest way to get the carnal door open again is to compliment her sexual abilities and prowess. This may seem counter-intuitive, but if you acknowledge how much you appreciate her in bed she may realize that trying to prove her status is unnecessary.

SHE IS MANIPULATING YOU…
Another reason women withhold sex is to get something out of you. When no other methods of getting what she wants are working, she might resort to revoking your sex privileges until you agree to what she’s after. This will usually be a pretty big thing. Generally, she’s not going to bother holding out on you in order to get you to take out the garbage.
The easiest way to get around this is to give her what she wants. If that’s not a possibility, you’ll have to appeal to her sense of reason. If that doesn’t work, try giving her something similar to what she wants. If you can’t make that happen, you might have to wait it out and service yourself until she comes to her senses.

SHE IS BORED…
She could be avoiding sex with you because she’s not enjoying it. Some women are embarrassed by the idea of talking about sex with their partners, especially if there is a problem. So instead of telling you what’s wrong, she might just close up shop.
To get around her sex ban in this case, try suggesting something new sexually. Take her to a sex shop and buy something fun for both of you. Buy a book with suggestions on how to spice things up. If you show some interest and put some effort into making some changes, she may open up again.

SHE IS TIRED…
Maybe she’s not putting out because she’s just too damn tired. Perhaps you want to do it more often than she does, and she just can’t keep up. Other life demands might be stressing her out and keeping her busy too, making her too worn out to enjoy sex as often as you’d like.
To get her back into the idea, pamper her with some relaxing treats beforehand. Draw her a bubble bath or give her a massage. If she’s relaxed, she’s more likely to feel sexy. Or, you could be truly unselfish and devote your time entirely to her pleasure for one night, making her more likely to want to return the favor another time. Also, you might consider cutting back a bit on the frequency. Instead of going to her every time you’re aroused, take matters into your own hands every now and again.

SHE IS CHEATING ON YOU
It is a possibility that she’s kicking you out of bed because she’s more interested in having sex with some other guy. If this is the case you have bigger problems than lack of sex in your relationship. If you suspect that she is cheating on you (and you should have more reasons than just a decline in your sex routine), confront her with your suspicions calmly and listen to her explanation. If you find out she is cheating, you’ll have to decide if you want to work on things or move on.


PLAYING GAMES…
Women withhold sex because men let them get away with it. It’s pretty clear it’s the one thing that most guys can’t live without and that they’ll do pretty much anything to keep it coming on a regular basis. If you and your girlfriend can openly communicate, you should be able to talk through these issues as they come up instead of getting to the point where she’s closing her legs while you’re begging for it.

HOW TO BE A GREAT WRITER

Becoming a writer: to many people this sounds like an easy job, but being a writer does not mean just putting words correctly on paper; writing has to come from the heart.

Here are some tips to consider when deciding to pursue this career.

1. Your heart must be in it: if you start writing and the words do not flow, or you have to force your thoughts to get them on paper, this is not going to be a love for you. Most well-known writers have been known to write thoughts and feelings much better than being able to speak them.

2. Being a good writer doesn't mean just a person who can spell well. Many writers get so caught up in their writing or typing that they may indeed make many typos, so do not let this issue disturb you. As a matter of fact, many great writers have people who actually proofread for them, because when the words just seem to pour out, so do many typos.

3. To start writing, pick subjects that you really feel deep in your heart. Anyone can take a subject and give you facts, but a good writer also shows you heart behind the words, so start slowly by picking subjects you really have a feel for. This will give you a better article.

4. Practice... we have heard time and time again that practice makes perfect. This is true with any career. You will continue to get better as you go along, so if your first article doesn't make the grade, don't give up, just try harder.

5. Be a good reader. Before you become a great writer you first need to spend lots of time being a good reader. Read all kinds of stuff: fiction, nonfiction, children's books, everything. This will give you a feel for how the words will look and sound on paper.

6. Finally, decide what kind of writer you want to be after you have written in all different fields; test the waters.

7. After you write some things, have others read your work and give you an opinion. I have found it's best not to use family members, because they will always tell you it is good, and they won't point out the errors. You need someone who is a good critic, as that is the only way you will learn.

8. Be prepared for let-downs, especially when you first start writing. Remember everyone doesn't start out being good, at least not right away. Never let any bad remarks about your work get you discouraged; learn from your mistakes and learn from your critics. Some of the advice you get may help you to one day become that great writer you have always dreamed you would be.

9. Submit your work to many places to get noticed. Now with the World Wide Web it makes it so much easier for writers to get their work seen, and once you get you reputation established people will even ask you to submit your work.

10. Save as many copies of your words as possible. You may find once you write it you may not be able to re-write your work twice. Keep journals of when you wrote your work; this will also give you a chance to look back on all of the stuff you have ever created.

MAKE THAT RELATIONSHIP WORK!

Relationships are hard! You don’t need Oprah, a rocket scientist or your pastor to fill you on this fact. There is no perfect formula for a successful romantic relationship. So many people who are extremely successful in other aspects of life find themselves disheartened because they feel they ‘fail’ at relationships. No one has all the answers but I’m hoping we can work together to help one another out.

So many women lament that ‘it never seems to work’…’something always goes wrong’ etc…
Maybe you think you don’t know how to establish a good relationship with that special somebody. But you can! It’s a give and take thing.
OK, let’s try a few things. Some of these might seem simplistic but sometimes basic advice is best!

Commit
Can you claim to be in a relationship and not be totally committed? I think not. If you don’t chose to “commit” to the other person, then it’s time to get stepping. We live in a society where we constantly hear advice like ‘you better have a backup in case he messes up!’. If you feel you need a ‘backup’ then that relationship is not worth being in. Genuine commitment is always a number one priority. Make up your mind to give your all to that special one and everything else follows and begins to fall in place. Being in a relationship is a serious affair. Like, it’s no joke and it‘s heartbreaking when one person is not investing in the simple act of commitment. Total commitment is a sign of mutual respect and responsibility. If it’s not there, you may need to start re-evaluating your relationship.

Quit Fronting, Be You
What is a relationship without freedom? A solid and meaningful relationship is the ability to express yourself. Seriously, you just need to quit playing Ms or Mr. Perfect. What is that? BE YOU!!! I beg of you. Fart because you can. Be free because you can’t afford not to! I know one married couple that the wife swears that her husband has never seen her without makeup. Seriously! Fake partners who can’t express the freedom to be themselves should not be in a relationship. Folks, enter into a relationship with the right to be yourself. Think about it like this, how can you choose to confine yourself? Your relationship shouldn’t feel like prison now. C’mon peoples! Shake it off and do you. This stuff really does happen. You’ll be pleasantly surprised by how much people lack the freedom to express their true self.

Trust
Arghhh! Sounds cliché? I know but what is a relationship without trust? Let’s see, you don‘t trust your partner and you expect your relationship to work? Yea, sure. I think we underestimate the importance of trust in a relationship. It is vital and it’s creates peace. Women especially need to start letting go of the ‘men can’t be trusted’ mindset. It’s just draining. Don’t be a mugu, and don’t be super gullible either. Let yourself trust, and if you get burned, learn your lessons. Good news is trust and karma go hand in hand. You know what they say, karma is a bitch. Did you trust your loved one and they let you down? You just relax and let karma handle it.

One last thing…

People’s Democratic Relationship
Gossip! People love to hear about other people’s relationship. If someone wants to dish to you about her relationship, then it’s cool. Just fine! But don’t let that someone be you! I know it’s super tempting to want to dish out to your home boys or talk to your girls but just don’t do it. I’m telling y’all. This is one thing that can actually save your relationship. It’s called the power of mute. Think about it like this, when ’wahala hits the fence. You want to know that it’s only you and him that contributed to the success or failure of your union. But what happens when you always seek a fifth and seventh opinion? What happens you call Titi and you vent, and Titi gives her two cents, and then Seyi comes over later at night and then you dish out to her again, tomorrow right after church, Tolu comes over to hang out and she starts talking about her man and dearest you added your own story too. Now that you have lamented, and Titi, Seyi, and Tolu have donated their opinion. Has it solved your problem with your man or your chic? I’m just saying… try to keep it close to your chest for a while or take a decision by yourself!

PICS FROM THE OSCAR AWARDS 2010

SANDRA BULLOCK


PENELOPE CRUZ


MO'NIQUE AND HUSBAND SIDNEY
MATT DAMON AND WIFEY


KATE WINSLET

I RESIDE HERE!!!

Well, blogging is not a totally new experience for me but I have not done it in a very long while and that makes me think i am getting very rusty in my game. I pledge to myself and to my would-be readers that I will always be here telling you things the way I see it and the way I think it is or should be. I will be talking on various issues ranging from Youthfulness, Relationship, Academics, Entertainment, Spiritual, Social, Political and all sorts. as long as the issue(s) affect(s) the human race it shall be discussed here and I hope we will do justice to those issues together.

Note this, I do not claim to be an authority on any issue or topic so i am prone to mistakes but I will try my best to say it the way I think it is or should be, if you don't agree with me, you can always drop your comments, you can always mail me or we can sit at a round table and talk about it. No one has the monopoly of ideas or knowledge so it will be more of sharing what we know because it is fact that we all know in part. I will have guest writers, columnists who have agreed to syndicate their write-ups and any other person who is just interested is saying something to my friends which I know for sure I have so many on Facebook. (thank God for facebook oh, chei!) anyway!!! I am not talking about anything today... But by the Grace of God I will always be here two times in a week to share my thoughts and my experiences with you and I promise you a wonderful time.... till then.......Always know I Reside Here..... yes now! Lolz.....Degreatest signing out!!!!!